Twelve Steps to Intimacy

1.       Eye to body

2.       Eye to eye

3.       Voice to voice

4.       Hand to hand

5.       Arm to shoulder

6.       Arm to waist

7.       Mouth to mouth

8.       Hand to head

9.       Hand to body

10.   Mouth to breast

11.   Hand to genitals

12.   Genitals to genitals


Flirting: Basic Signs

  1. Raised eyebrows—unconscious sign of interest on flirter’s part
  2. Eye contact—make and hold eye contact for significant amount of time; men will not hold the gaze of a woman he isn’t attracted to
  3. Hair flick—women often do this, sometimes unconsciously
  4. Playing with accessories—women play with earrings, twirl hair, fiddle with necklaces; men play with ties, jingle change in pants pocket
  5. Leaning in—nonverbal message the he/she wants to be closer
  6. Active listening—turn body towards other person, make eye contact, nod, show other signs of actively listening to what is said
  7. Open body language—invitation
  8. Sideways glance—demure glances, strong sign of flirting
  9. Looking at lips or body parts—sometimes an unconscious sign of flirting
  10. Laughter—laughing at jokes, silly or unfunny
  11. Light touches—touching someone’s arm, knee, or shoulder shows interest
  12. Ignoring cell phone—purposely ignoring or turning off the cell phone sends signal that he/she is more interested in the other person than whoever might be calling

Positive Body Language Signs: Women

  1. Lips—big smile and relaxed face indicates content with situation; biting lips or corner of lower lip or wetting lips can show interest;  putting a fingernail between teeth can indicate she wants the flirting to continue
  2. Hair—twisting, twirling, flicking sends signals she is single and ready for fun
  3. Eyes—dilated pupils shows interest; raising eyebrows with steady eye contact indicates she is okay with flirting; winking shows she is definitely flirting; bating eyelashes is playful
  4. Nipples—suddenly hardening show serious interest
  5. Clothing—wearing something sheer with no undergarments indicates she is seriously flirting
  6. Legs—open or crossed and pointed at the man, she is sending positive signals; crossed legs and down and away from the man, she is only interested in conversation
  7. Hands—both hands palms up is showing interest; rubbing or stroking things (like the stem of a wine glass), shows serious interest; fidgeting with keys and averted eyes indicate she is ready to end the conversation
  8. Voice—constantly speaking at a higher pitch, appears stiff, she is not really interested; monotone voice, blank stare, and frequent pauses before responding indicate her mind is elsewhere; voice fluctuates repeatedly up and down displays a sincere interest

Negative Body Language Signs

  1. One person leans towards the other, the other leans back away
  2. Turning away from the other person
  3. Not making eye contact
  4. Folding arms across chest
  5. Double-crossing legs at the ankle
  6. Touching nose
  7. Limp or hanging hand can indicate boredom with other person
  8. Eyes keep glancing away
  9. Makes no effort to talk to other person, no replies to comments, no answers to questions

Kissing: Beyond the Lips

  1. Cheek—gentle brush of lips across
  2. Tip of nose—gentle touch of lips on or light rubbing of noses (Eskimo kiss)
  3. Eyelids—tender kiss on top of closed eyes
  4. Forehead—brush lips lightly on crown of head
  5. Earlobe—gently sip and suck the earlobe
  6. French kiss—tongue in other person’s mouth; gently suck on other person’s tongue
  7. Lips—gently suck on lower lip; gently nibble on lower lips
  8. Behind the ear
  9. Back of the neck
  10. Neck—gently nibble up and down neck
  11. Under the chin
  12. Collar bone
  13. Shoulder—from behind, kiss top of shoulder
  14. Curve of waist
  15. Underside of forearm
  16. Hand—lightly brush lips across top of hand
  17. Palm of hand
  18. Inside wrist
  19. Tips of fingers—gently suck on the fingers
  20. Spine
  21. Small of back
  22. Stomach
  23. Navel—use lips and tongue to gently tickle and kiss navel
  24. Behind the knees
  25. Foot—gently suck the toes, lightly kiss the foot


Physical Attraction

  • The body reacts to another person by increases in heart rate, rise in temperature, sweaty palms, flutters in stomach, tightening of throat, and other ways.

Emotional Attraction

  • The next step after physical awareness, where the people involved begin to know each other. They talk about things they have in common, hobbies, ideologies, work, education, and more.


  1. The brain secretes an endorphin in this phase that makes the people involved feel happy, alive, complete, and positive.
  2. There is a lot of laughter, playfulness, affection and sexual energy.
  3. A temporary stage where the couple bonds and connects and is fairly committed to one another. This is a taste of what could be a potentially good relationship.
  4. How long this stage lasts depends on the amount of emotional wounds (baggage) each brings to the relationship.

Growth Struggle

  1. This stage starts after the “enchantment” stage ends and the problems of dealing with the “wounds” and other issues begin. It can be very stressful to the couple.
  2. One of the partners now has a problem with spending lots of time and energy on the relationship. Now that person is pre-occupied or unavailable as much.
  3. One partner may now become impatient, authoritative, and unresponsive with the other person.

Choosing Commitment

  1. At the peak of the Growth Struggle stage, the couple must decide whether to give up on their relationship or to fight for it.
  2. Choosing to fight for the relationship means each person involved must learn more about themselves, about their partner, and about relationships.

Selfless Romance

  • In opposition to “selfish romance” where it is all about one person wanting to gain something for themselves, the people involved wanted to do romantic acts for the other person’s pleasure.


  1. The stage where desire is intensified and can’t be ignored, where the emotional relationship turns into a physical relationship.
  2. The point where the couple decides whether to move forward to the next stage of growing closer or just enjoy the heat and let it burn out.


  1. This is the deepest relationship between those people involved. This is the stage where they share their thoughts, feelings, dreams, and goals.
  2. It is a step that never ends and must continue to be developed.

The Smarts Button

This website is the work of Starla Criser, an author who has published more than 50 stories, both traditionally and through self-publishing routes.